I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
