Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
