No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
