Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
