maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
