I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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