How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
