DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
