I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
