Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I understand Curling. That high.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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