why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
