Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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