Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
