Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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