Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
