Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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