The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
