Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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