I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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