She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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