it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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