It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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