So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
