Swine flu. Run for my life!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
