I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
