I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
