He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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