The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
