can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
