Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
