Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
