he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
