in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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