how can u be prego again
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
