Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
