he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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