This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
