Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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