I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
