Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
