New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
