im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
