Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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