i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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