Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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