i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
