Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i drank out of a bidet.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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