Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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