So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
