drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
