I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
