why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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