White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
